Psalms 29:11

Psalms 29:11 "God makes his people strong, he gives his people strength" one of my favorite verses. This verse has been a comfort to me when it felt like no one else cared, it's given me strength through pain, and it's been tested and true to many times to count. Without his strength I woulda give up when I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer because at such a young age I wasn't suppose to grow up normal suffering such a loss. Without his strength I could have given up when I was forced to leave my family behind in a cruel attempt to separate me from what God had for me through constant mental abuse and evil intent but I fought back, I endured. Without his strength and peace  me and my wife would have given up before she got pregnant with the greatest blessing my Heavenly Father could have given us. Without his strength and peace I would be another statistic, another life that gave up on his purpose, his calling. 

     I have used this verse as a comfort to many over the years. Not because it's the only verse I know, but it's a verse that  I have lived. Is he your strength and peace? 

The struggle

Up until the last five years of my life I had been content with serving in the background. I was the guy who set up stuff, tore down, ran sound, cooked, cleaned ect. and I was comfortable with that. It wasn't until I had a long conversation with a good friend that I came to the conclusion that God couldn't use me to my full potential if I remained in that comfort zone. It started slow, I taught once or twice, then I spoke once here and there. As my obedience progressed more and more chains broke away, and the more I found myself becoming what God had intended for me to be. 

It's never been about a title or a paycheck, it's always been about the students and God and it always will be. I've been struggling a lot lately with being "good enough". No matter what I do or how I do it I'm not gonna do it the way everyone else does it, I never have. As far as I'm concerned doing it the way everyone else does it has only created a generation that comes to church for the social stability or to be a part of something without any accountability of what they are outside the "community" we call church. Personally I'm not satisfied with that, and I don't believe the god I serve is either, so what do we do?do we keep doing the same old - come to church, worship, speak, repent and repeat... Or do we take the time to really embrace change and think completely out of the box and maybe actually for once make a real difference rather than talking about making a difference. 

The old has passed away...behold the new have come...

Steal (still) my joy

I've currently been at my job at Verizon Wireless and or a contractor for Verizon for almost 4 1/2 years, it has honestly been the best job I have had to date- great pay, good benefits...but it has taken a toll on me. God gave me the job at Flextronics I know this, it was on time and it kept us from failing financially and helped secure us and our future, but at some point this job became more than just a job it became in the words of one of my co workers "torture". The company kept taking advantage of what we did to keep the store running, the customers weren't buying they were just coming in with the same question and it always started with "my phone..." everyday became a chore...a place where I once enjoyed being, that I fought to help keep open and profitable when they took away management...a place I use to have pride in...and it had become a chore....I had let my job steal my my joy, once that happens there's no way to flourish. Over the last few months I have developed stress headaches, mood swings, and a disgust for technology, when you work around it every day that's not good!!! But I still silently suffered...until god gave me an answer.

     Me and my wife were working towards her being a stay at home mother...but god turned that around, I am now a stay at home father. Leaving my job was hard, I have spent more time with my co workers than I have my own family, but once I put my notice in I felt a relief a peace came over me and that was all I had strived for. I made the decision to focus on Me, My family, and my Ministry. Now making that decision is never easy and honestly it hard, but if you follow God, have a little patience (which working with middle school has helped me develop) and listen, because listening is sometimes the hardest thing to do and I know if it weren't for the leaders,friends, and family that god surrounded and blessed my life with I wouldn't have been able to make it...to all of you I say Thank You! Since leaving VZW me and my son are closer, I'm ahead in my ministry studies, I'm able to focus on my lessons/sermons more and do some of the devotions I have tried to do in the past but never finished! God is good! His favor is abundant! And his blessings are faithful and true!! 

My Boy- Aldous Gray Sullivan

       It's almost been a year since my son came into this world. Hard to believe a year ago I watched his birth, his first breathe and watched God prove to me that he is "God". Aldous Gray Sullivan is a miracle, anyone who has met my boy can tell you that there's truly no other 1 year old like him, whether its the fact he's the size of a 2 year old, or the fact he learns at the pace of a 3 year old there's no doubt the first time he smiles at you or says "God da God da God" (I translated that to mean "My God is good") you will fall in love. There has been no greater joy to me than to be a father, I cherish every moment I have with my son good or bad because he is a gift from the greatest of all fathers my Aba Father. I remember the day he was born, and boy was it a day!! 

       I got off early from work to go on leave and had made plans to go golfing with Ben Webb, Nathaniel Munson, and Stephen Shupe. We all arrived at the golf course and began to play our 9 holes, on the 5th hole is where the hard part of the day started. Stephen was teeing off and I was standing 10-15 feet off to the side...all I heard was "tink"...and a sickening "thud" that sounded like a wet towel hitting a tree..then I went down with my hand on my head, and there was blood and lots of it, strangely enough the pain didn't arrive until later but the nausea and not being able to put how I was feeling into words came imediately! I heard my friends saying "did it hit him?" after getting down to look at me and hearing their reactions to the apparent gash I had in my head I knew- even though I pleaded with them that I was ok- that I had been hurt and that I wasn't gonna forget this day! After loading me onto a golf cart and trucking me up the hill to get into my car and head to urgent care came the hardest part of all...telling my 9 month pregnant wife that I had been hurt...yeah that wasn't gonna be good! So w proceeded to get nates wife/kristys best friend to call her and fill her in! Well after going to urgent care, making sure I had no permanent damage, and stitching me up I was headed home!! Needless to say I was tired and had a headache (don't know why my head hurt?) so at midnight we curled into bed....not even a 1/2 an hour later I hear "Adam...I think my water broke..." My response "are you serious?" I jump out of bed and try to put together in my head what I needed to do forgetting the one thing that actually made sense at the time which was calm down and listen because if I had I would have heard my wife laughing at me in the background. So I got my composure and we got ready to head to the hospital, I called her parents, sent out text messages and loaded the car...and off we went.
     The next 48 hours went by in a flash, from us getting to the hospital and having to get checked in and get all of the insurance info, to the point where her parents showed up and later when my brother and his wife and my dad showed up....it was a time where our families were one and the same where we were all anxious to see this first grand baby of the Sullivan side, and the first male on my wife's side...he was on his way and we couldn't wait to see my beautiful boy!! It came to the point where the doctor came in and started talking to us about the epideral...my wife decided she wanted it...so we left the room to grab some breakfast and breathe while they did it. We came back and things sped up quickly before I knew it we were all getting ready for kristy to push! And did she ever!! 2 1/2 hours of pushing!!! The end result was a healthy baby boy named Aldous Gray Sullivan!! The moment he came into the world I truly felt gods love and blessings all over me, it was a feeling like I had never experienced!! Today he turns 1 and its been the best year of me and my wifes life. 

      If you ever get to spend more than a few minutes with my son you will experience his infectious laughter, his gorgeous smile and just the most amazing little fellah in the world! ( I am a little partial ) its truly an honor to be his dad, god gave you to me and your mother Aldous Gray Sullivan and for that we are forever greatful! Being a dad has taught me a lot things like sleep is over rated and poop isn't scary, and getting peed on really isn't that bad as a matter of fact it's kinda funny!!! But most most of all...and I can't stress this enough...it's taught me that Gods promises are faithful and true...we prayed and prayed and prayed and yearned for him to come...we leaned on mans understanding....and we leaned on Gods understanding...we didn't always know why things would happen, but we knew our god had already went before us and prepared a way...God gave us answers to our prayers....he gave us our God Daughter when we lost a child, he gave us Aldous Gray Sullivan when we were ready...in his time not ours. It's not always easy waiting on god, honestly it frustrating, but if you listen to his word and do what he asks of you he will bless you...if you look at the pics below you will see MY BOY,MY BLESSING, MY LEGACY....A CHILD OF THE ONE TRUE KING!!! ALDOUS GRAY SULLIVAN THE MOST AMAZING 1 YEAR OLD BOY YOU WILL EVER MEET!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON! DADDY LOVES YOU! 

Humbled

Its funny when I was 20 years old I had this vision of myself- strong, confident, and in my own mind humble. I could run around with my friends and family and not have to worry about the consequences of my actions because my body was strong. Well fast forward 10 years, actually 9 years 363 days to be exact to Friday June 14th where all my confidence in my abilities was halted by one stubborn act of rebellion against what I know and have always known " you have to stretch before any type of physical activity ". There I was suited up and ready to play on my families soccer team at a benefit soccer game for my mother, I got up jogged down field and thought " hey this feels good " and there it was that little voice in your head that reminds you that your human, that your flesh will forever be in battle with your spirit, so leaving all common sense behind I turned with a smile on my face and put every ounce of strength I had into my left leg to sprint back to my seat...well there it was, a feeling I hadn't felt in years- sickening pain- my upper thigh was on fire and the pain made me sick to my stomach. This once strong body, although in the best shape I had been in years, had let me down. I had been humbled by my ignorance.
      It wasn't until fathers day the following Sunday did I finally realize why I had ignored everyones pleas for me to warm up, you see I am a man, hey I'm not ashamed to admit that I am stubborn and that even though I have grown up mentally and physically over the last 30 years I still like to believe I am invincible. As I listened to our pastors sermon I sat and thought about what I had did Friday, I hurt myself and then even though I was hurt I still played in both soccer games. To a lot of people that may be dumb but I had something to prove to myself and I did it to the best of my ability, but that's what god was telling me, if I had warmed up stretched and prepared the way I was taught then I could have given a full 110% but because I leaned on my understanding ( you see what I did there ) I ended up injured and broken so I couldn't give my all to the team I had committed to play on and committed to give my 110%. It hit me hard on Sunday, I have got to start letting go... and let god...so simple right? As long as we are plagued by the flesh on our bones its a constant struggle.
       I have been humbled by own ignorance, how many times have we all been in that situation? You know better but you do it anyway. Story of my life!!! But guess what? My god is a god of forgiveness and he's a teacher, he knew I was gonna be dumb and he also knew I was gonna get something out of this. I was humbled not only physically, but spiritually as well. That's how my god works, he's amazing! So as I start my 30th year of life I am anxious to see whats in store for me and my family! And most of all I am getting prepared, stretching my faith and warming up, preparing for my new adventure, and most of all accepting that I am not 20 anymore, and that's ok!!